My favorite time of year is when Fall is approaching. Where day light still lingers but begins to fall into the structure of when I like to awake and fall into slumber. Where I can start to layer sweaters and jackets and when my English roast dinners make more sense.

Truthfully Summer is not a season that resonates with me. Having lived in California for 40 years, where mostly the temperature is warm and blue skies abound, I had always felt a like a square peg in a round hole where the weather was concerned. So, relocating, at least part time in the English countryside would ensure the return of 4 distinct seasons.

It’s funny though, us Brits are known to complain about the weather no matter if too hot or cold, rain or shine and we certainly spend a lot of time conversing around the subject.

I find having the rhythm of the seasons resonates with my inner wiring. Enjoying the winter months of going inward, the spring encouraging blooming, the summer full on blossoms and then Fall giving space to shed and transition back towards the inwards season. I enjoy the variety of clothing that supports the seasons, from floaty dresses to bundled coats and hats along with all that unfolds in-between.

But, during the summer months, I find the loosey goosey structure of days to nights, often inspired by long hot daylight hours sometimes unnerving. While I consider myself a free spirit of sorts and having the opportunity to be spontaneous, I also find my environment unsettling with what sometimes feels like the free for all season of summer.  Loud outdoor gatherings, elevated alcohol intake, and minimal layers of clothes can make me feel exposed and insecure. And less structure around scheduling gives me a general sense of feeling ungrounded where anchors are often lifted during those summer months.

I feel guilty If I don’t feel jolly every day, and not to do so feels disrespectful to the gift of the sun. How I treasure a summer rainstorm, however fleeting to give me permission sit in the shadows. 

As I reflect on my life, I am understanding I have always been drawn to melancholy, where I gravitate to a sad song or movie, and somehow summer is a hard season to embrace the sadness that resonates with me.

I have a blessed life in all ways one dreams of being blessed. But I acknowledge i have often been drawn to testing my fears and stretched myself into situations that don’t come naturally to me, or even in alignment with who I am, giving cause to anxiety and undue stress. In recent years I have made efforts to align my choices of relationships and work endeavors to reduce my stresses so I could find more joy in what brings me joy. Understanding I had to let go of some relationships and make some career choices, often bittersweet but I am seeing they were the correct choices, for me. This is an ongoing process where the balance of the seasons will reflect in balanced choices.

And so it doesn’t go unnoticed, these past summer months, in England, with unprecedented heat and sunshine, I found myself able to sink into the light and enjoy the day-to-day life like I have never been able to before. While I was busier than ever with work commitments, in in-between days, I found myself one of those people I often admired. Giggling, unstructured and nearly a go with the flow person. I rarely wore my jeans, replaced cycling thru my 5 dresses. Didn’t quite exchange the safety net of my cowboy boots for sandals, but that may be on the horizon.

My playlist of music took on uplifting sounds of summer and Meadow Manor welcomed all who were inclined to pop by or extend their stays. I added a couple more deck chairs to my hodgepodge of outdoor furniture and found myself gloriously enjoying the sun going down, late into the evening, with such appreciation of the warm summer breeze. Becoming more conscious of choices I made, gave a gateway to me to connect with the light of the summer days.

So while I still look forward to lighting my wood burner stoves in my fireplaces, and going inwards as the earlier evenings falls, it’s an inwardness that will be different, where I experienced a summer full of blooms, enabling to fuel my creativity and the human experience of feeling it all, and this summer became a good friend to me where conscious changes I have made in my life supported me to connect and embrace the sun.